Preparing for ‘The End’

I have been steadily working on Death Ender since November, and it is currently just shy of 30,000 words. As such, I find myself nearing the final climax of my story. I am aiming for a May – June time frame. Seven to eight months is none too shabby for a ‘failed’ NaNoWriMo attempt, if I do say so myself. 🙂

I have been writing since I was twelve, and I have just recently turned *gasp* 30. Eighteen years. That is a long time to not finish anything. Creative writing projects for school, sure, I guess, if “To be continued” is to be counted…

I find myself greatly anticipating the privilege of writing ‘The End’. A finishing point for the story itself, but only the of the first stage of the writing journey. As exhilarating as the prospect is, it is very scary at the same time. This is new territory. Encouragement does abound out there on these-here Interwebs, but Karen Miller seems to resonate with me:

But I was afflicted with other fears as well, the fears that stopped me from finishing that first draft a lot sooner than I could have. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of losing hope, the dream. While you’re still engaged in the process of writing, the dream still lives. The world is full of possibilities. But once you finish you’re closer to harsh reality. You’re closer to rejection. It’s safer to stay in the dream. It also means you’ll never make the dream come true. It’s up to you – keep on dreaming, or bite the bullet and get into the real world. — Karen Miller, “The Tyranny of the First Draft”

That. That is a large part of why eighteen years went by with not a lot to show for aside from so many started pieces. Stories that I find myself wanting to turn back to in the illusion of getting them finished. But only out of fear of stepping out into that new territory. Of finishing the first draft and moving on to that next stage.

I keep catching myself thinking about the second draft of Death Ender. Wanting to start work on it now. But that is the fear talking. The fear that is disguising itself as motivation. The fear that has my Inner Editor wrapped around its little finger.

The fear that will not win.

I am taking my stand now. I will finish Death Ender. And I will finish Lady Fury after that. They will not be the grandest things that I have ever written, but they will be the first, and that will make them grand. They will stand as a rallying point for when Perdition begins to get difficult, which it will.

My next eighteen years will have something to show for them.

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